EP 18: How Feedback Holds You Back

Photo by John Schnobrich on Unsplash

This week I’m talking about feedback and what happens when you get too much of this seemingly good thing.

Seeking input on your content can be helpful, but it can also hold you back. In this episode, I explore why, as content creators, we can come to over-rely on input from others, signals that you are over-reliant on feedback, and how to start to trust yourself as a creator more.

What has been your experience when you’ve invited too many cooks into your content kitchen? Let us know in the comments below. Enjoy the episode!

Below is a transcript of the episode, plus the self-inquiry prompts, for your reference—please excuse grammatical errors!

Welcome back, creators. Are there too many cooks in your content kitchen? This is episode 18, and I want to talk this week about seeking and receiving feedback on our content.

Everyone is different when it comes to receiving feedback, and I'll be transparent and say I'm one of those people who doesn't really enjoy it. Often, asking for feedback on something that I'm creating, especially if it's early on in the process, can derail me and cause me to question my own intuition and my own instincts. For me, it can actually disrupt the creative process, or stop me completely from sharing something that I may have been excited about, because I end up overthinking my next move.

For others, calling in feedback might be a regular part of their practice. And for some of these people, this can work, because they've learned to dial in and hone in who they receive feedback from, and at what point in the process it's best for them to receive it without disrupting their creative flow.

But for some, they may be like me and can find that feedback brings more issues than benefits. Unfortunately, though, they might not even be aware of the issues that it's causing for them.

I've seen it a lot with my clients I've had as a freelancer. They want me to create for them. They want my input, which I provide. But they also stop the process to get feedback from coaches and friends and significant others and whoever they think could have a perspective that would benefit the project. At first glance, this might seem like a good thing, like they're being thorough, but it often complicates and even completely stops the process.

Seeing so many creators cut off their own creative flow under the disguise of needing feedback is one of the more frustrating things for me to witness as a freelancer and a creator. It is also one of the most frustrating things I can do to myself as a creator. And there are five reasons why I think we as creators can veer off course and over rely on feedback:

• Number one, this need to consult giant teams of people is usually a result of corporate conditioning. The corporate model of creating and decision making is often what most of us are familiar with. The model we've seen from corporate America is that ten people or more need to be in a room talking things out before a decision can be made.

  
  One thing the corporate world and structure does not reinforce is our ability to listen to and trust ourselves, without the approval and input of others who we think might be more of a quote unquote expert than ourselves. But when it comes to our content, our messages, and our stories, no one is more of an expert than we are.

• Number two, it's a way to take some of the responsibility off of ourselves, especially if we're taking a big risk. How many times have we seen big creators make an embarrassing blunder in their content and then hear them say, “Well, I talked with my team and they created this piece.” Suddenly, it isn't, “Oh, I made a mistake,” it's “My team made a mistake.”

  
  So if we're consulting others or a team, it doesn't put the decision to say or create or share something solely on ourselves, and that can feel like a relief in the moment. But it can be a good way of also avoiding real ownership over our work and our decisions.

• Number three, getting tons of input or feedback is a stalling tactic that enables our perfectionism. If you're feeling a little nervous about what you're creating and it feels like a big risk, you become naturally a bit overcautious, wanting to analyze any possible points where things could go wrong. You are afraid of the response, so you put off actually creating and sharing in order to get feedback that will help you test out and spot these possible weak areas. In small doses, this could be helpful and perhaps even give you a confidence boost. But when you get too much input and try to apply it all, one piece of content suddenly takes weeks to create, and it loses some of its freshness and passion and impact. The result is overthought and overworked content that ultimately doesn't resonate with anyone because it tries to cater to everyone.

• Number four (this relates closely to number three), seeking feedback feels better than inaction. It feels better than admitting we've stalled. Sometimes we actually just aren't ready to create or share something. I encourage you to go back to the last episode about big topics and how we can assess whether we're really ready to join or start the conversation.

  
  But rather than admit we aren't really ready, and rather than allow ourselves to slow down and not produce for a while, we seek lots of input. Talking about the content you're going to create can feel like you're doing something. It can feel like you're taking action and have forward momentum on that project. But the result is often that you get one piece of feedback, still question yourself, then seek out more feedback. And so on and so on and you just keep going in a circle. What you really need is to take some time to get quiet with yourself, and allow room for inaction.

• And finally, number five, we don't trust ourselves and lack confidence as creators. We're afraid to put ourselves out there, and we're afraid to do the work involved with it because it feels too overwhelming. Therefore, we need a lot of feedback or validation from others to ensure we're on the right path, to make sure that what we are about to do is worth the work or the risk. This also ties a bit to number four in that getting this feedback falsely feels like action, so we avoid addressing that underlying lack of trust and confidence.

All five of these reasons have led me and my clients to spending more time talking about creating a piece of content than on actually creating the content. So I speak from personal experience on this one, from years of not actually creating despite having plenty to say and share. It's an exhausting loop to be in, but one that we often don't realize we're in, because again, it feels like we're taking some sort of action.

I say all of this, but I don't want to discourage people who genuinely enjoy occasionally receiving feedback and know how to use it. It's just a fine line between it being helpful and it leading to greater confusion.

So what are some signs that you might be over relying on feedback or input? I have eight signs that I've seen:

• Number one, before you make a decision to create or share something, you have to have multiple people weigh in. Or, if you have a team, every member or multiple members of your team have to weigh in first.

• Number two, you're asking for feedback on almost every piece of content you create.

• Number three, you ask for feedback regularly from more than one person at a time.

• Number four, you are often stuck weighing two or more pieces of conflicting advice, and you struggle to know which path to follow, so you frequently create several iterations of the same piece before finally settling on what to share.

• Number five (this is a result of number four), it takes several days or even weeks for you to complete a piece of content while you wait for feedback or have multiple team members weigh in and review.

• Number six, once you've gathered your feedback, you find you have no greater clarity than when you started, and so you either don't create or share, or delay creating and sharing until you get more input. Again, it's a circle.

• Number seven, if you are working with contractors or a team, you pass on your content to them, but constantly stop the process and change the direction you're giving them based on all the feedback coming in.
  
  I'll admit, as a freelancer who's experienced this, this is one of my bigger pet peeves, so I beg of you, gather as much of your feedback as possible and feel confident in your decisions before asking someone else to create and follow through on your ideas. There are always exceptions to this, but when you do this all the time, this is an indicator that you might want to reexamine your process and your confidence in your own ability to make the right decision for your content—if not for your sake, then for the sake of the people who you work with.

• And finally, number eight, you ultimately spend more time talking about your content ideas than you do creating the pieces of content. So most of your time is spent brainstorming and discussing with others.

I realize that a lot of these directly relate with one another and overlap because they do often go hand-in-hand. And some are kind of obvious, but this has become such an ingrained part of some creators processes that you might not recognize it until someone points it out.

And if you're recognizing any of this in yourself, that's okay because we've all honestly been there and we'll return to it again at some point on our journeys. Learning to trust yourself as a creator is truly a process.

To help you go deeper and get to the root of what's going on in regards to your need for frequent feedback and input, I have a few questions that you can ask yourself. You can sit and meditate on these, or bring out your journal and write some notes down. These will all be listed on Substack in the post for this episode, so no need to rush and write them down. I'll have the link in the show notes.

• First, ask yourself, when was the last time I created and shared without involving others in the process and asking for their feedback?

• Second, if it has been a while since you created without input, ask yourself, what scares me most about creating on my own without external feedback?

• Third, what is the root of the overwhelm or self-doubt I feel around creating certain pieces of content? How can I address this before I create?

• Fourth, if I fully and completely trusted myself as a creator, what would I do? How would I act?

• And fifth, what small steps can I take to start to build trust in myself as a creator?

So those are just a few questions to help you dig into the root that's underneath this need to over-rely on feedback.

If you want to start building more trust in yourself as a creator, there's really no better way to do it than to just create without the input. Share without the input. And this can start really, really small. There's no need to jump into it with the big things just yet. Find something manageable for you to start with. Perhaps you use the content prompts I send out weekly to my subscribers on Substack to create a piece of content without asking for input. Maybe it is just one Instagram post or story a day on a lighthearted topic. Just get back to creating based off of your own instincts and input in whatever way you can, and slowly rebuild that confidence and trust. Maybe you continue to seek input for certain pieces of content, but at least this will help you, over time, see which ones actually benefit from the feedback.

And when you do seek feedback, do your best to be focused with it. Ask for input from one trusted source, and do it at the point that works best for your flow. Maybe it is the very beginning, when you're planting the seed for the idea. Or maybe it's once you've completed a full draft and just want to do some final touches.

And be clear to the person you're asking for input on what it is that you're looking for. A full, deep look at the overall structure, or just a final glance and a line edit. If someone is unable to respect your request for what level of feedback you'd like, and you find they always poke around too much in it and you end up second guessing a lot, or creating way more versions than you would have liked or intended, Consider finding a different person as your trusted reviewer, at least for a few pieces. It might seem on the surface like they're the perfect person because they are so thorough, but they might actually be overcomplicating your process and reinforcing your lack of confidence.

If a piece of input feels like it might pull you in a completely different direction, stop to assess whether that's truly aligned with you. It's okay to not take every piece of input that we're offered. Ask yourself, which path truly excites me, which path fulfills me, or feels the most like me, and follow that thread.

And always remember your original intention for the piece of content and check that the feedback you're receiving aligns with that. Maybe that input someone offered is something you can explore separately at another time, even if it's not right for the piece you're currently working on.

I hope that all of this information was helpful for you. And remember, it is a process to break the habit of constantly bringing in feedback, and it is a process to learn to trust yourself. So, there's no need to make big sweeping changes to your content creation flow overnight. But these are some things just to be aware of so that you can start making small changes as needed.

So, I'd love to know, do you have too many cooks in your content kitchen? Or, what has been your experience when you've brought in a lot of feedback? I'd love to know. Share in the comments for this episode over on Substack.

And before I sign off, I just want to make a little note to a change in the podcast schedule. I've decided to go down to every other week with a podcast episode through the holidays. This is just so I can start to catch up a little bit. I will be traveling a lot to visit family over the holidays, so I want to give myself a little bit extra space to perhaps even start working ahead, and to start bringing on more guests for interview episodes. There's a chance I might have a lot to say and find that I do want to do an extra podcast episode, but for now I'm going to say that it's going down to every other week. So it will be every other Tuesday. But don't worry, to the Substack subscribers, I will continue to send you a weekly content prompt on Sundays, so you'll still be hearing from me weekly there.

And if you haven't joined us over on Substack yet, please feel free to do so. It's themindfulcontentcreator.substack.com. The link will be in the show notes, as always. Thank you all again for joining me on this journey and for this episode.

I look forward to connecting again soon. Until then, happy creating!